(Nikki & Day 1:VBS Fez (me)
Currently listening to: Josh Garrels “Love & War & The Sea In Between”
Setlist @ FPC Vine 6-19-11
- “Holy, Holy, Holy” (VS 1 only)
- “Because of Your Love” by: Paul Baloche
- “Mighty is Our God” by: Patrick Ryan Clark
- “Desert Song” by: Hillsong
- “Hail the Day” by: Sovereign Grace Music
- “I Will Sing” by: Pete Shambrook
- “Psalm 103” by: The Fathers House
I’ve noticed that when I’m discontent, fearful, doubtful, or uneasy inside I tend to talk and if you know me well you are quite aware talking comes easy to me. Sometimes it’s a form of pushing God away for me. Anyone else do the same thing? It’s as if I use words to convince myself or someone else that I can figure things out, or I can’t. Never seems to work well. I just sound like a wind bag.
In the book Spiritual Classics by: Richard Foster I read about John Main (1926-1982) who writes; “We all need to use words, but to use them with power we all need to be silent.”
Honestly silence scares me and I think that’s because I really don’t trust God with my heart. So I keep it busy with nonsense in an already clouded shell. Occaisonaly I hear a faint voice whisper these simple words “trust me”. But only when I’m silent or all is quiet around me. Sometimes in the chaos of life I hear those words too, but it’s usually when a small window of stillness appears unexpectedly. It’s that quiet moment that I am fearful of.
Now When I stop and I’m honest about my life I am grateful to God for the many areas of my history where he has lead me, provided for me, and held me up. His love has painted a beautiful picture over the years. Yet there is a part of me that is still scared to do the dreaded “trust fall” with Him. I’ve done it so many times over the years at Youth Retreats, staff training’s and so forth. So why is it easier for me to do the trust fall with a human than it is with God. The One who constantly provides me?
In Ephesians 3 Paul writes about the power of silence. “With this in mind, then I kneel in prayer to the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes it’s name, that out of the Treasure of his glory he may grant us strength and power through his Spirit in your inner being that through faith Christ may dwell in your hearts in love. (Eph3:14-16)
In the void of silence dwells a treasure full of power and strength. Hmmm.
Why then in silence does worry wrap around me like the smoke of a fire when we are camping. You know I really need to seek out silence instead of running from it. That’s where power and strength come from. I know there is a Redeemer who is feverishly pursing me and I want to trust with abandon. I do.
I’ve sat on this post since Sunday wanting to finish but have gotten caught up in work and life. I’m glad I did. Here I am this morning in our empty house, just me and snoopy (our dog), and a cup of coffee, quietly listening. And gently I hear bits of Psalm 121 and Psalm 73 in my head. Funny how God works.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
where does my help come from?
“5 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”